The Hair Cut (DUN dun DUN)

Well I finally did it...I have contemplated cutting my hair since i can remember but for some reason over the past 6 months i have thought about it very very seriously! I think what triggered it was seeing a friend i went to high school with, with her new short hair, she had close to the same length, color, style as mine and I thought it fit her so well....even though i loved her long hair too...this was WAY cute....So then i started to wander if i could pull off short hair too! So....after talking it over with Jesse bless his heart ( he LOVES my long hair!) He gave me that little push i needed and said "just do it!" and i am SOOOOO Glad I did....I just love it. I never cried or never felt any regret...it has definitely NOT been the nightmare experience i had always imagined cutting my hair would be...now i am still a little worried of what Jesse and others will think of it but as long as i like it right???? : )

Dress up Wiith sister!

So lately the girls LOVE to play dress up...so we will take a little time and go downstairs in the preschool room and play dress up. They are so much fun to play with lately they both are talking so much...I just want to freeze them right now. They love to talk and kiss at my belly too! they sure are ready for this baby to come. Caelyn will put her hand ever so gently on my belly and then jump and look at me all surprised and say "its moving" even if its not, and Azzlyn just likes to kiss it to death. The skin always has to be showing for them to want to talk to it though, and when they are done they will pull my shirt down and say they have to go bye bye, cuz they are watching "monster movie." (nightmare before Christmas) They are addicted to this movie????? Anyway i wish i could explain to them that we still have a while till the baby comes...im afraid they are going to start taking me for a liar! This baby is wiggly...from all the stretching my girls did with my last pregnancy he or she should have plenty of room to tumble around in there. I am getting excited for the holidays to begin...i think once they start I will have some things to take my mind off waiting for this baby to come. Im just so anxious to know, but soon enough we will. Im also not used to being pregnant for an entire 9 months... its rough... ;)
Well we only have a little longer till daddy gets home and thats always something to look forward to. Im getting good at this waiting game...But we love and miss you very much daddy! Cant wait to have you home!

lost in the crowd

So as my mind continues to ponder the many details in my life, (thanks to Stephanie its become a habit ;) ) I am taken back about a week ago when Jesse and I decided to take the girls and just go stroll around the mall. As we were walking among a crowd of people with our girls by our side ....lol yeah right...come on, they are two...and they were all over the place. Jesse and i had been playing there little game all day, when we would say "come on girls" they would simply respond by running the other way or not responding at all, and stay exactly where they were.

So this time its Caelyn and this time we walk off without her and before i can call out to her to follow, Jesse stops me and says..."no, wait..." then i notice Caelyn couldn't see us, though we were only 5-10 ft away she became confused and lost in all the people rushing around her.... "lets see what she will do," Jesse insisted...but my motherly instinct kept telling me to call to her, Jesse would quite me and say " just watch, shes okay," she heard my first few calls to her but she still could not seem to find her family....she stood firm in her space turned and twisted looking every direction for us. By this time only seconds had gone by but to me it felt like an eternity. I hated seeing this, MY child, alone, confused and growing more and more afraid by the second...I wanted to run to her but Jesse held me back insisting that we watch to see what she would do
....Finally after my begging to let me go to her he did....i ran and held her and assured her we were there all along. My eyes began to well at this experience and i found it strange that they would ... we were there watching...nothing was going to happen...but my heart felt like it was going to burst watching my child alone without me to comfort and guide her.

As we made our way home i sat pondering those feelings i had watching her, "This is how our father in heaven must feel" i thought, when we came to this earth there was a veil placed between us and the father, this would be those 5-10 ft i spoke of( i think he is a lot closer than we think), it was far enough for caelyn to not know where we were but she could still here us and we could still see her....Not only was a veil placed in our way but temptation, or the adversary was also placed in our way, ( this was the people rushing all around Caelyn making it hard for her to see us)

For the first time in my life as a parent i think i felt a bit of what Our heavenly parents must feel in watching us in this crazy world twisting and turning in every direction to find them, hearing them but failing to follow them.... Im sure our father in heaven wishes he could go to us and hold us and say "look... here I am...and Ive been here along!" In just my little experience I felt so much heart ache watching her so lost and confused and I can only imagine what our father in heaven must feel for us...and on an even higher level what he must have felt watching his only begotten, suffer bleed and die... Being a parent has truly helped me come to know my father in heaven, and to understand , to a degree, the great love he holds for his children. What a blessing it is to be a parent...What a privilege it is to be a host to these spirits that are the fathers... I hope to one day be worthy of that trust.

Moments of Pondering the details...

So i feel since i have been reading this womens blog (those of you who haven't i highly suggest it!) I have spent so much time pondering things and trying to have a more eternal perspective on even the small and simple things. Paying closer attention to the "details." I wanted to share a bit of what i read from Stephanie's blog yesterday:

Perspective

by Stephanie

This is my world right now--zoomed in close, agonizing over the details. The details--be they beautiful or boring, painful or pleasant--the details are our everything. We wake in the morning with them staring us in the face and we lay our heads on our pillows at night either basking in their fullness or formulating how to survive or change them. I have heard Oprah say "love is in the details." And so it is. Perhaps that is why the details, the moments of life that you never forget and that form your very being, consume our constant focus. They are crucial.

There is beauty in the details--even the painful ones. It is a beauty born of love. Like mental photographs the details tell a story. These stories form the epic that is our lives. Even these epic stories of our lives are just the details, the footnotes even, in the history books of mankind. One can only imagine how our histories fit into the great scheme of the Creator's works.

Details produce the defining points of our lives. This is one of the great defining points in my life. I write the story that will define me by how I endure the trials I face. These are not easy days. This story is difficult to forge. But I believe that if I am careful and I can keep a firm mind and a heart full of love, even if it is an aching love, a thing a great beauty will emerge from these details.

Whatever our trials are in life, the gospel gives us the gift of perspective to guide us in our sorrow and affliction. In the grand scheme of my life, this will be but a chapter. It is hard for me to imagine a day I don't think about Camille with every breath, but I know in my head that will come. Part of me is terrified for that day to come. The better part of me refuses to live forever in this chapter. This chapter will form the rest of my story, but I hope that by the 500th page of my 1000 page life I am not still mourning the event of this too early, too sorrowful chapter of my life.

I can only hope the pain of this detail will make all the colors brighter, all the laughter heartier, all the love deeper, all the moments sweeter. I can only hope that this defining detail will significantly impact the whole of the eternal perspective of my life for the positive. That by enduring well the Lord can make of my life a work of art.


I find myself wrapped around her words lately...as though they were a gift. I want to be sure i pay close attention to those details in life, and as she said allow the gospel to give me the perspective i need to guide me through life in all its ups and downs. Over the past few days i have felt a change in the way i see my beautiful baby girls....I am trying to see them in the way our Savior and Father in Heaven sees them, and as though they would be gone tomorrow. I hold them longer, I REALLY try and listen to them and understand them, I just want to breath in every moment i have with them and NEVER let that breath escape me. I truly feel i have been spiritually uplifted and strengthened by this woman's testimony and trail. There are people all over the world reading her story of Camille and so many being touched by the words this mother writes...let me quote Stephanie once more from a blog where she refers to her and Camille as sister missionaries:

"I feel humbled at the thought of being a companion in Camille's work now. I may write these words, but it is her life that has inspired them. It is her spirit that touches so many people reading them. Just as I was allowed to see my own children through her eyes to forever change me as a mother, she is working to whisper eternal truths into the hearts and minds of so many on this earth. I rejoice in this work of hers, for ultimately it is His work."

Truly Camille's life and death have touched countless people....and what a wonderful mother she has to voice and testify of all that she knows ...
One day i hope to thank her.

My spiritual experience with a blog

So i know that the title of this blog may sound strange to some, But i couldn't think of any other way to describe this experience i had over the past two hours. So after putting the girls to bed i thought i would get on to see who had read my post. Mckenna Your sweet comments was what then diverted me to your own page. I began to read your older post and do a little blog stalking myself....When i came across a blog titled " the spirit made me blog stalk" Curious I read on....which then took me to another blog and in this blog i found a women who had experienced the loss of a young child...Instantly My testimony of not only life after death but of my savior was strengthened through every heartfelt word this mother spoke. Its as though her words were "dripping" with testimony and love for our savior. I could not stop reading...the deeper and deeper i read I felt as though I was being guided by the spirit...i was supposed to read this womens blog.

Since I can remember i have feared just about anything in life...If there was risk in it...I wanted to be as far away from it as possible. In some cases this can be a good thing but shortly after i was married this became a VERY - VERY bad thing... I suddenly began to fear death...and not upon myself as much...but to those ones i loved the most, and being that i was newly married this fell greatly upon my sweet enduring husband Jesse. I say enduring because i believe its something that has been a constant issue in our marriage. Where ever Jesse went whatever Jesse did I began to imagine and play out these horrible scenarios in my head of car accidents, motorcycle accidents, work accidents you name it my mind I went through tragedy after tragedy until i was in tears believing that these things would come and worse, that if in fact they did come i would not be able to handle such things. Many times Jesse and i spoke of my lack of testimony in life after death....Never had i once thought that i didn't believe in life after death but suddenly i found that i was lacking not only a testimony there but a testimony in my savior. A testimony of strength beyond my own. A purpose and a Plan for each of us. A testimony and a TRUST in both my savior and my father in heaven.... My fears only became more magnified when i became a parent. I have struggled many times over playing out those same haunting scenarios with my children and other family members. I have not experienced death in my life enough or even at all to know how or if i could handle it. I fear i would not pass that test.

But a new light has been sent to me through this womens testimony. I wish i could quote every thing she said. I have felt such an overwhelming desire to know my savior better. To find that strength that lies with in him, that peace, that understanding, that TRUST. I want a Testimony that can withstand any trial. I share this experience because i know that i am not the only one who would find strength in this one persons example. If you want to check it out the blog is A Daily Scoop.
I promise you will be glad you did. But you may want to do it when kids are asleep or you have time to read and read. Honestly its that inspiring.
Good night all.
thanks for listening !

So far SOOOOO good!

mamas getting bigger!

Well , First couple days of school have been so wonderful! I started tuesday with my 3 year old class....and boy i will tell you they were quite an enthusiastic bunch! Teagan, my niece is in that class and she is 4 so she is my saving grace. She really helps bring them down a level so its kinda nice:) Then on wednsday i held the 4-5 year old class...This was a bit more mellow. It just blows my mind how one year can make that big of a difference. But over all i loved every second of it! Cant wait till I can put my own girls in it. I have my sister Charity helping me for now, but one day they will join the fun. So since i have had some requests for pictures so here they are:

Im back!

Well i know its been since April that i wrote...I think now that I am getting used to Jesse's new schedule i will be able to be a better blogger. So first things first...for those who dont know...I am pregnant with sweet Burgon baby #3 yes you heard correctly and no not #3 and #4 just one baby this time. We feel so blessed to be able to have another child right now. Three children under the age of three will be quite the trip but one thing Jesse and I said when we wanted to start our family was that we would have our family quick while we were in the groove and then be done...so as far as jesse thinks...one more and we'll be done but as for me i say two more.... :) really though i guess we cant really put a number on our family right? I heard once a saying "if you want to make god laugh just tell him your plans" So maybe we'll just keep our options open. So back to the new baby...i am 23 weeks and still without a clue as to "what sex" will be joining the fam. I have decided that we will wait till the baby comes...i just imagined that being so much fun to be surprised! So i promise to keep up on my posts at least till then.
So my sweet Jesse was just home for another three weeks but is off to Mexico. I pray he arrives safely. we miss him so much already and are so grateful for his sacrifice in serving our family. This job started out a little rough and hard to get used to but really....we did a little math and out of the 8 months jesse has worked for intelliserv he has only worked 2 months and 10 days. so we have definitely had him home for the majority of the time. And it seems that the time away is soon forgotten and his time home is filled with fun adventures, lots of quality time and memories! Truly this job has blessed our lives.
So now for the third most exciting thing in our lives...and thanks again to my wonderful husband who spent countless hours finishing our basement and helping me prepare in just about every way possible....Tomorrow will be my first day of my first in home preschool... I have two classes, a three yesar old class and a 4-5 year old class, both with 6 children in them. I have them staggered throughout the week so i am only working from 9-11 am each day. I honestly feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who believes in me and supports me in all that i do. Thank you love!
And last My babies turned 2 this past week. Thank you to all the family and friends who love and support our family. we love you all and appreciate all you do. The girls favorite part of there day besides seeing the dinosaurs at thanksgiving point, was seeing all of there family and friends! We love you all!
I better finish up things for tomorrow! wish me luck and again i promise to be better from now on!